Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Short Fuse

*I don't want sympathy, I don't want "oh, everyone has days like that". I just want to vent*

I am living with a short fuse right now.

Ask my kids, ask Hubby. I try so hard to stamp it out, and it keeps going and going.

I don't know where it is coming from, I have never felt like this before.

It is healthy to get angry.

I know this, but it still makes life so hard right now.

I feel unappreciated.

I feel useless.

I feel used.

I feel pain.

I feel lied to.

I feel manipulated.

I feel ignored.

I feel frustrated.

I feel the need to scream, and have no time or place to do so without hearing "Mom...what are you doing?".

Yes, my kids just got home. Yes, I missed them.

But no, their being gone was not a break. I did not have down time.

I had Koda, Hubby and getting Hunter's painted. I had work, family and LIFE.

I need a break. I need a moment for me. I need to not worry about kids, dog or Hubby for just a little while.

I need some me time.

I need to get out of the this funk before I loose my mind.

I need to not have so many people telling me what to do, how to do it and that they think I am doing it wrong.

I know I am not perfect.

But you know what?

I am me, and I am fabulous.

Don't like, the door is that way.

Hubby and I need to find our OWN way through home-ownership.

We need to make mistakes.

Oh, and every mistake you thought we would make...

We haven't made one yet.

So BACK OFF.

I hate that too, the feeling that I need to defend myself in every step of my life.

I won't do it anymore.

I won't go out of my way to make you feel better when I am sitting here feeling like crap.

I can't do it anymore.

I won't be the bigger person only to get stepped on OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Again, don't like it...the door is over there.

Now...I am going to gorge on pasta and go to bed.

3 comments:

Megan (mommyesquire) said...

As working moms, we often get pulled in so many directions that we lose ourselves in the process. We are just getting home from vacation and I feel like work is going to be my break. My child and husband are exhausting to me and that makes me feel guilty.

Praying that you find the rest and strength that you need. It's healthy to vent once in a while :)

Hairline Fracture said...

I'm sorry you had a bad day and glad to hear (via twitter) that today is better. I had a day like that Monday and after sending my family away for an hour and crying, I felt a lot better.

Anonymous said...

You ARE fabulous!
Big Sis